Homo Sum: My Last Will and Testament

          Life is full of surprises. Laughter, pain, joy, lament, serious, wacky, win, lost, chances, choices, decisions, regrets, blessed, sinfulness, aristocracy, freedom, active, passive, selfishness, selflessness, illuminating, confusing, transcending, trailing… The list could be endless, but that’s life. The more you handle it with care, the more magnificence you will receive. This is the greatest gift from God can give us: to understand what happened in our life. To have it explained. It is the peace we have been searching for.


          Unfortunately, life has its own end, and we cannot know how, when and where it will happen. That is part of the surprises of life… death, perish, decease, loss, demise, departure, die, breath your last, give up the ghost, depart this life, attain the wholeness. Nakakatakot, pero kailangan nating harapin… HOMO SUM! As the only creatures with the strong sense of future, we need to deal with the end of life, which I remember Martin Heidegger calls “cessation of possibilities.” Because many of us are afraid of facing the reality of our own death, they tried to escape the awareness of this reality. They didn’t know that the price of denying death is “undefined anxiety” as I believed Rollo May point of view. To completely understand our life, we must confront death, become aware of personal death, and don’t be afraid of death.


          According to St. Paul,  the last enemy to be destroyed is death. Walang ibang pagpipilian kundi pagdaanan. That is the law of nature; we must depart from this life because of our nature as finite being…HOMO SUM! But don’t worry, Christ promise us that whoever believes in Him will have an eternal life. Kaya naman ako’y Sayo (Jesus) eh…


          This article will spinning around what will be my wishes and desires after I reached my last breath. Title palang diba halata na kung ano ang gusto kong topic dito. I do believed that this article will somehow affect what I want, during the day that my body is resting in the cold coffin. Medyo demanding lang pero para maayos lahat sundin nyo na lang or else…(Ako lang ang nakakaalam ng susunod kung gagawin).


          If I die in the morning, it means from 12am up to 11:59am, I want my interment will be in the morning. If I die in the afternoon or night time, it means from 12nn up to 11:59pm, I want to have my internment at noon time. What’s my reason about this? Wala lang, walang basagan ng trip! Respect my will hahaha!

          
          Let’s go now to the scenario. I believe  that this will be the most heavy drama scene in my life…no… my death (patay na nga pala ako nun kaya wala ng life), its normal to cry but please bear in mind that be thankful for having me. It's my life, it's my time, it’s showtime… In this scenario, I want to thank all  the people who touched and become part of my life. Kung pwede ko nga lang kayo isama para hindi ko kayo mamiss gagawin ko eh. Gusto nyo ba? Sympre hindi diba, kaya it’s normal to cry. So here’s my will, kung san man ako maabutan, sa bahay man, sa hospital, sa kalsada, sa banyo, sa airplane, sa ship, sa other country (naks, gusto pala) I want everybody who are close to me that please hold my hand tightly. Hindi ko man maramdaman yang hawak nayan, malalaman ko din yan in God’s time how you value, how you care, and how you love Titan, and I’m very thankful for that. Always remember that during my life, I also value, care, and love you. Ang hirap pala magsulat ng ganito nakakaiyak. My imagination kills me hahaha! Let’s continue.


          6 days are enough for me para sa aking burol. Hangga’t maaari sa bahay. Pero kung no choice at high tide sa burulan na lang. Yung aircon ha. Para comfortable ang mga dadalaw. Baka mapalakas ang kain pag hindi aircon eh hahaha. 6 days because God created the world in 6 days. That 6 days will be my last days in this world. Gusto ko sa 7th day pahinga rin family ko and mga kamaganak ko after struggling those 6 weighty days.


          I want my coffin to be close. Instead, beside my coffin, put many pictures of mine during the course of my life. Yung Masaya at mga memorable skin ha. Because I want people to remember Titan not his death but his life. I don’t want people to tell others how I die, but I want them to tell people how I lived. Tsaka kaya ko gusto ng sarado yung coffin ko kasi baka panget yung pagkakamake-up skin. Ok lang na walang make-up sarado naman eh. I want to become natural. Baka hindi ako makilala ni San Pedro sa kapal ng make-up ko. So be natural. Walang make-up. Sa isusuot naman sige kahit ano na lang na gusto nyong isuot skin. Sarado naman eh. But please don’t be so formal yung attire ko ha. Baka pag nagmulto ako katakutan ako. Yung cool lang. parang magbebeach lang. Ayoko naman ng wala akong suot sa loob baka pag nagpakita naman ako sabihin naman “si Titan nagmumulto na malibog pa.”


          I don’t want the tradional designs during the funeral. I don’t want many lights malakas sa kuryente, 2 lights and 2 candles are great. Ayoko na rin ng may mga names sa ataul bagkos please put this verses in my coffin: 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18.


          Flowers are appreciated but monetary are superb. You know what I mean? Kasi yung flowers kasabay kong mabubulok eh. Yung pera magagamit pa ng maiiwanan ko. Ok lang? Demanding noh? Dun sa maiipon na pera, part of it will be donated for the church or charity institution and part of it sa mga dapat ayusin sa bahay or dapat bayaran.


          So let’s go for the menu…Ayoko ng problemahin to. Kayo na bahala. Basta ang importante makakain lahat ng bibisita sakin. I want everybody to feel that my death is a celebration of life. So I wish we have sumptuous and mouth watering foods during my burial.


          Sa lahat ng material things na maiiwan ko, sympre hindi ko naman madadala yan bigat na yan. So I want to handle my personal things and belongings to my family members or even to my wife or children who really need those things. It’s up to them to divide my possessions. But definitely my money will be divided equally to avoid conflicts. I don’t want to elaborate with these issues because these are not my concerns. My point in this paragraph is that be equal enough. Bagay lang yan, pera lang yan madaling kumuha at pagproduce nyan. Ang isang Titan hindi na maibabalik, hindi na maproproduce, hindi na makukuha. So be fair.


          Sa libing, walang dress code or color code. Kahit anong kulay pwede. During the funeral mass, I want to see all the priests that are close to my heart. Even my classmates and friends in the seminary. Ayokong mag banggit ng names in this will, it’s up to them to identify who they are and consider themselves as my friends.


          This is my last will and testament and formally formulated and identify on this 18th day of March 2012. I hereby declared that these statements are authentic and valid under my name CHRISTIAN ESTARES JORDAN. HOMO SUM!


This time, I’m in my final resting place. Rejoice and be glad. It is finished.



                                                                                                                         

3.18.12